


Love

by stuffygirl



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluffish, I Don't Even Know, Multi, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 14:12:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18470593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffygirl/pseuds/stuffygirl
Summary: I never felt anything. I never could feel anything. Until I meet him.





	1. The Start

This school is awful. This place is awful. This world is awful. But that's just my opinion. Other people tell me it's great. And that everything feels wonderful. And that they feel wonderful. I think i would feel jealous or something. But, i don't feel anything.

It's always been that way for me. Since the day i was born. My mother says that at least. She said she knew i was special the very moment i left her body. 

She says when i was born, i wasn't crying. I wasn't smiling. I wasn't scowling either. I just looked as if i was feeling nothing. Pure nothingness.

I didn't understand her though, i was to young when she tried to explain what was wrong with me. but i begin to understand when i started elementary school. I watched as children around me begin to gain the things i didn't have. They became sad. They became happy. And they even grew angry. But i…..never felt these things. I just felt….nothing.

Like a hollow shell.

My father and mother split because of me. My father wanted a “normal” child. But my mother still loved me. Everyday, she told me the same thing. That i would find my true love. And that the love that person would bring, would make me feel happy.

The other children tended to avoid me. They noticed my empty reactions, and classified me as weird almost immediately. But i didn't care. But….i begin to understand. If i wanted to leave my classification to others, i would have to act like other people. 

So i started to pretend. And just like that, the children around me where no longer afraid. I pretend to be happy, to be sad, and to be excited or depressed. I pretended to have friendships. I pretend to help others when people were sad. I even pretended to have hobbies. In fact, i got so good at pretending, that i was titled the ultimate of my most practiced hobby. Singing.

Life seemed fine. Of course, i couldn't tell, being me and all. But i felt contempt for a while, which is the closest thing i will come to pure happiness.

Then, it all changed. 

The Danganronpa show started. A televised killing game full of iconic characters. The show grew to have so many seasons over the years that by the time i got to highschool, i couldn't even count the number of them.

I watched as the innocent, loving kids around me i once pretended so hard to be like grow into sick, gore craving maniacs. I didn't even pretended to like the show. I'm sure that if i had feeling over things, i would hate it anyway.

Until one day. The day a nameless jerk signed me up for the game without my knowledge.

“(Y/N)! Why didn't you tell me you signed up? I would have gone with you!” Lena, a friend i knew for a while, ran up to me shouting. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” I asked, shifting in my desk to face her.

“I just checked the online roll for the next Danganronpa show, your one the list!” She pulled out her phone to prove it.

I was “astonished”.

“I didn't sign up, i swear!” I shouted back, standing from my desk, practically in tears. Lena seemed to back down. I always use crying as a way to calm others. Lena tells me that i look like a little baby about to cry, and that its feels awful to the person who made me cry to watch me.

“”Alright. Just…,” Lena sat down next to me and hugged me. “Just don't get murdered ok? There's no fun in that.”

“I promise bestie” I smiled sweet and hugged back.

That night, i lied awake. What was i going to do? More pretending i guess, but what will i have to pretend? Do i need to act like a psychopath? A scared, defenseless girl? I had no clue. I decided i would act like i normally would, but aimed up 100%. I always acted super happy and cheerful and was practically friends with everyone. People treated me with kindness when i acted like this, so i just made that my full time “personality”.

I finally went to sleep after hours or staring at the ceiling.

Boy, was this going to be a roller coaster.


	2. Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before i continue on, i just wanted to state the the story line wont be exactly the same, and i may change things around a bit. But that's all i wanted to say.

I awoke to white. Just white. 

Sitting up slowly, i rubbed my eyes. Slowly, my eyes adjusted to the whiteness, and i saw something ahead in the distance.

Getting up, i realized i wasn't in my cloths. Instead, i was in a pure white nightgown that had a silky cold texture. It dragged behind me as i walked. I felt like i walked for hours, but i'm sure that it was just minutes. When i got closer, i could see what the thing was.

It was a screen. The screen was about medium sized and was hovering off the ground. Displayed on the screen was a bear head. I recognized the bear at once. It was Monokuma, the Danganronpa shows mascot and...could you call him a host? Well, he just orchestrated the show and all the stuff in it.

I stared at the screen for a while, not sure of what i shout do. Suddenly, text appeared on the screen above the bear with a tiny neon pink arrow pointing to the symbol. “Click Me!” it read.

Reluctantly, i clicked it. The screen enlarged to my exact height. On the left side of the screen there were tabs with option buttons that read things like “Shirts”, “Skirts”, “Accessories” and etc. On the left, was a full body reflection of...me. In the bottom left hand corner, there was a small “done” button.

I'm guessing this was a customize thing for the game? Maybe this is where i choose what i look like during the game.

I clicked the tab that said “Shirts”. Multiple cute shirts in all the colors of color wheel appeared to the side. 

After clicking around for a few minutes, i finally found a look i was satisfied with. ( Just insert what you want to look like :D )But something still felt not quite right.

I opened the accessories tab and clicked around a bit before finding what i wanted. A (F/C) flower crown. It was beautiful. When i put it on, i felt….different. Like someone new. But that's ridiculous. I can't feel anything. It doesn't matter.

Now fully satisfied with my look, i clicked the done button. 

The screen disappeared, and my vision started to fade into nothingness.

 

 

I awoke in a cold metal space. My legs where squished close to my chest, and my arms barely had room to move. I blinked several times, trying to get my eyes to adjust from the pure whiteness previously to the now empty darkness.

Moving as much as i could, i finally felt the knob of what felt like a pull up lock. It reminded me of my locker. I continued to fidget with the lock when suddenly it clicked, and i tumbled out of the space. I yelped slightly and sat up. I had somehow gotten into a locker. 

Now, i had to pretend every hour of the day. But, for some reason, i couldn't remember why.

I rubbed my head and got up. Blinking multiple times, i gazed around at my surroundings. It looked a lot like a classroom. The walls where a deepish green color, and tables and chairs seemed to rest in an un-orderly fashion. It was strange, it would have been unnerving to me.

I maneuvered my way around the desks and chairs to the classroom exit, and found myself in a long hallway. Most of the doors down the hallways were locked, but eventually one opened to the outside.  
Walking down the grassy hallways, i came across a large staircase that rose to a large metal gate. What is this? I then begin to feel “excited” and quickly bounced up the stairs like a 5 year old on Christmas. Putting on my widest and brightest smile i could pretend, i swung open the doors that had been behind the rusty open gates.

I was greeted by the stares of 13 other students crowded in what seemed to be the large lobby of a mansion. Most of the students looked normal enough. All of them where wear school uniforms. Looking down at myself in my peripheral vision, i realized i was also in my school cloths. "That's strange," i though. "Didn't i change my outfit or something?" But for some reason, i couldn't quite remember what i even meant by that. Guess i'm just forgetting everyday stuff now? Now that think about it, what was even going on? Didn't these people know?

“Hello!” I sang in the most kindest tone i could manage.

There were murmurs of greeting from the crowd of other students, but at least their facial expressions changed to a lighter tone when i said hi. So i guess that's something. I made my way to each person and gave everyone a smile and a hug. My attempts brightened the mood in the room, and soon, everyone was starting to talk quietly among each other instead of staying in pure silence.

Suddenly, the doors opened again, and a blonde haired girl and a black haired boy in a hat rushed in, closing the doors quickly behind them. The girl looked around at the group, and we stared back at them. I broke the 5 second silence by skipping to the too, again smiling like i had before.

“Hi!” I greeted them. “My name is (Y/N)!” 

I gave them both big hugs before skipping back to the group.

Slowly but surely, everyone started to get to know each other. They said someone was missing, but i just thought i would meet them later. Again, i will state again, i didn't feel friendship for any of them. I didn't feel anything. I still felt...hollow, and empty shell. But i knew it wouldn't do if they knew, so i faked so hard. I faked and faked and faked and faked.

I still can hear my mother's words, but for some reason, the memory of her voice was fuzzier, and i could barely remember it at all. 

One day, you will find someone who will give you true love. Someone who will make you feel complete.


	3. True Love

I awoke early in the mourning. Slowly sitting up, i rubbed my forehead and swung my legs off the side of the bed. The memories of what had happened the previous night returned to me during my brief silence. The bear explaining the twisted game we were in, everyone freaking out, and soon everyone departing to their separate rooms. My room was decorated in music notes and pictures of song titles and album covers. Most where bands i had never even heard off, but i really didn't care. 

I changed into the outfit that was waiting for me. The outfit looked familiar, and had all the stuff i would want in an outfit. Alongside the cloths was a beautiful (F/C) flower crown that i absolutely adored. Guess that mono-bear knew what i liked?

I changed into the cloths and placed the floor crown on my head before facing the mirror. 

I didn't really like the way i looked. I always found something to pick at in my reflection. My (H/C) hair always seemed to look to boring, my (E/C) eyes a boring shade for their color, and my body a little off compared to others. Mind you, i wasn't self conscious or anything, i just didn't like the way i looked.

I left my room and headed down the hall to the dining area. While walking, i noticed someone i hadn't seen yesterday walking in front of me. I could tell they were male from their body type. He wore pure white clothes with what looked to be a white and black checkered bandanna around His neck. He had strange purple hair that reached His neck. I didn't recognize him. It soon clicked in my brain. This must be the person the others said was missing.

I felt “awful” for not greeting them sooner.

I started to skip towards him, planting a big, kind smile on my face. But when i neared him….i felt…..

Sweetness.

As soon as his violet eyes meet mine, i felt an overwhelming amount of sweetness. 

I've never felt this way before.

I never thought i could feel this way.

It felt so nice. It felt so nice. It felt like love. This must be the feeling my mother had always talked about. The words i had always thought about. Every single day.

This must be what true love is.

I felt like i had an extra bounce in my steps as i skipped happily up to him and tackled him in a friendly hug.

“Hello!” I said in a voice i never thought i could say with such emotion. Emotion i never thought i would ever have in my entire life! The sugar and sweetness radiating off him overwhelmed my senses. I felt the sugar travel through my blood and through my heart.

I knew right then that it was love.

I, sadly, detached myself from him. Before he could even manage to say a single word, i had already interrupted him.

“My name is (Y/N) (L/N)! What's your name? What's your favorite color? Would you like to be my friend?” i blurted like an idiot, but i felt too high to care. The boy raised an eyebrow slightly before display a half smug half amused expression.

“My name is Kokichi Ouma, my favorite color is purple, and sure!” 

I smiled a true smile, one that i felt. He was going to be friends with me! I could stay around him, and i'll be able to feel! This felt amazing!

I interlocked my arm with his, and he looked at me with a questioning look. “Come on! Lets go to the Dining hall together! It's the least i can do since i was so rude not to introduce myself yesterday!”

He seemed to hesitate, before flashing a carefree smile. 

We made are way down the hallway, and i kept up conversation the entire way. His voice was like chocolate to my ears, his face when he smiles was candy for my eyes, and his laugh was the best part. We reached the dining hall in a few minutes, for our dorms where a few hall away. Most of the other students were there, but a collective few where still not present.

Everyone's outfits had changed. I guess i wasn't the only one that monokuma had set out an outfit for. Each were unique in their own ways, and seemed to reflect their personalities. I begin talking to everyone, while never leaving Kokichi’s side. I felt like i had a new start, my voice was pure in happiness. Full of life i never heard before.

Even after monokumas murder time limit motivation, i still was full to the brim of sweetness. 

Shuichi and Kaede went to see if they could set up a trap for the mastermind, while the others just tried to relax and forget about the mono-bears deadline. Eventually, Kaito asked if i wanted to go with him and some of the others to the basement where the library and the game room was. But Kokichi wanted to mess around with other peoples dorm rooms and explore around the place.

Of course i went with him.

I would never let him go off alone like that. What if he got hurt? What if someone tried to hurt him? What if he would be the victim of this killing time limit?!

I can't let that happen. That's love, right? This sweetness that i feel when i see Kokichi, when i hear his voice, this hast be what people know as…

_Love. ___

____

____

During are time alone, i learned a lot of things about Kokichi Ouma. I learned that he was a master at picking locks, and he even taught me how to pick them decently. I also learned that he was The Ultimate Supreme Leader and had his own organization. And i also learned he was a sucker for a good prank.

I was interested in everything he had to say. He could talk about the sadist tragedies of the entire universe, and i would still beg him to talk more. I was so happy. I never felt hollow ounce that day. Not one single second.

I went to sleep that night dreaming about him.

I whispered his name. Even that filled me with sweetness. 

I stared at the ceiling.

_I found him. I found the person that makes me feel complete. ___

____

____

_I must not lose him. ___

____

____

_I will do anything to keep him. To keep him here with me, by my side, in my arms. ___

____

____

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Forever. ******


	4. Night Sugar

I started taking pictures of Kokichi without his knowledge, and without his permission. Anytime i had the chance where i knew he wouldn't see me, i would snap a quick photo.

I started hoarding the pictures in a vinyl record case that was originally used as decoration on the wall of my room. I had to get on top my dresser in order to reach it, but at least it would be harder to find.

That mourning, Amami was killed.

The class trial was nerve racking. But, I had my sweet Kokichi there with me. He was in the podium next to me, and I could feel his sweetness even from that small distance between us.

Kaede was proven the murder, and her execution was sad to watch, but at least she died in something that she spent her whole life practicing.

I still spent most of the day around Kokichi. But I noticed something. I saw Maki giving him a withering stare. I could feel the bitterness. 

The bitterness was sickening.

I don’t want the bitterness.

Especially when it’s aimed at my true love.

I kept my guard up after that. Always glancing around every once in a while. Making sure Kokichi was safe every second of the day. Even when he thought he was alone, I still had ways to make sure he remained safe. His life became more important than my own in less then two days. 

But, that’s just love.

Days went by, and nothing happened. We all seemed to gravitate towards each other at this point, and everyone knew much about one another, almost like a family. I got even closer to Kokichi, and soon, he was saying that I was his best friend, and we were always around each other.

 

 

 

 

**But I wanted more. ******

Late into the night, I quietly slipped from my room and made my way down the long dark hallways. Even in the pitch blackness, I knew the way to Kokichi’s dorm room by heart. 

I was sure he was deep in sleep, for I had slipped something I found in the nurse's office in the building into one of his drinks that afternoon. 

Using the skill’s Kokichi has taught me, I carefully picked the lock to his dorm room with the help of a few Bobby pins. It took me quite a few minutes, but after awhile, I heard a satisfying small click from the door handle. 

I opened the door inch by inch. Luckily, his door didn’t creak. 

In the dark, I could just make out the figure of my beloved. He was fast asleep, his sheets where disheveled, and he lied like a corpse in the middle of it. 

I wanted to watch him forever. 

In an instant, the bitterness I had been feeling went away, beaten by the sweetness of his love. Oh how my heart was filled with sugar! I couldn’t describe how he made my heart pound and leap in my chest. 

Slowly closing the door lightly behind me, I tiptoed my way besides his sleeping figure and to the side he was facing. I laid my head on his soft bed, my face just mere inches from his. His breathing was so calm, and he sounded like a sleeping kitten, and he looked so adorable. 

I stayed like that for a good two hours. Just lying there, watching him breath. 

In and out. 

_In and out. ___

__And repeat._ _

__When I finally looked at his alarm clock, and realized I had been there much longer than I planned. I got up, and fixed his bed sheets so they actually covered him, and lightly kissed his forehead._ _

__Before I left his room though, I managed to go through his drawers in his bedroom, and came across an extra bandanna of his. I could smell the sweetness radiating off it like the suns rays. I stuffed it into my pocket and quietly left his room, making sure to re pick the lock to lock his door again, just to make sure there was no suspension of anything happening._ _

__That night, I sleeped clutching that checkered bandanna close to my chest. The sweetness was overwhelming. I could feel it in my chest and throughout my body._ _

__I dreamed that night of me and Kokichi together._ _

__

__

__

****__ ** **

****__**Only me and him. **  
**** _ _ ** **


	5. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, i cant believe this almost has 100 hits. Thank you guys so much, i love all of you!

It's been a few more days since the first time i snuck into Kokichi’s room at night. I didn't mean any harm by these nighttime visits, i just wanted to make sure that he was always safe, even when he was sleeping.

But he did wake up one time.

That night, i was again resting my head on the side of the bed, staring at his soft, closed eyed expression, and listening to his calm breathing. When suddenly, he made a small noise, and one of his eyes fluttered open. 

I wasn't scared to get caught, i had been prepared. 

Gently, i pet his head and smiled at him. 

“Hello Kokichi.” My voice was soft and velvety.

Kokichi looked around slightly before his eyes landed back on me again. 

“Am i dreaming?” He said quietly. I smiled. I didn't even have to say anything.

“Yeah, but it's alright. I'll be here through your dream all night if you want. I'll always be right here when you need me.” I continued to pet his head softly. This sweetness was growing every single second. It consumes all the bitterness of everyday life. 

Kokichi said nothing, instead, he looked down at the bed sheets. We stayed in that position for a while before he spoke again.

“This is a pretty weird dream” Kokichi stated, looking back up at me. 

“How so?” I asked, and shifted my position slightly. Did he think this Love was weird? Did he not enjoy this sweetness of love like I did? How could any sane human being not adore this feeling?

“I mean, it’s not a bad dream. It’s just...strange. You understand, right dream-(Y/N)?” Kokichi responded.

“Of course Kokichi, I understand.”

We went silent again. And after a while, I started to sing softly. It was a lullaby my mother used to sing to me. I’m surprised I still know the words. Halfway though my singing, Kokichi closed his eyes. And by the time I was finished, his breathing had returned to its normal sleeping way.

The next mourning was uneventful. I got up and changed, waited by Kokichi’s door, and we walked together towards the Dining hall.

Halfway there, he suddenly turned to me.

“Did i tell you about my dream last night?”

I pretended to be curious.

“Hmm? Was it a really weird dream? I've had those dreams before! The kinds that make you go what the heck is going on!”

He laughed. “No, not like one of those dreams, it was just confusing as hell.”

“Ok, tell me, tell me, tell me!” I bounced beside him. My excitement felt real, everything felt so real.

“Well, you were in it.” he continued, “and i woke up in this dream and you were just there, watching me.”

“Wow,” I said. “That's seems a little creepy. You know i would never do that right? That's a bit stalkerish!”

Kokichi laughed at me, and flashed a smug smile. “Who knows, would you?”

“No! Never! I'm not a stalker!” I playfully pushed him. Kokichi looked at me with playful suspicion.

“Are you lying to me?”

“No!” I, again, pushed him. “You meanie!”

Kokichi laughed as i pouted.

“You know i wouldn't do that right!” I asked him, trying to sound serious.

“Of course! The (Y/N) i know would never do that!”

The rest of the day was uneventful.

That night, I went to his room as routine.

When i left a few minutes later, i overheard whispering in hushed voice.

“I promise i won't tell anyone Himiko! I would never give up a fellow womans secrets! Even if it's about a degenerate male!”

I recognized the voice. It was Tenko. I had talked to her frequently, and she was always friendly to me. I listened from around the corner. I'm not usually an eavesdropper. Whenever i hear drama, i usually don't want to get involved. But after hearing the word male, i felt suspicious.

“Keep your voice down! Someone might hear us!” Himiko half whispered, half scolded.

“alright , Alright, im sorry.” Tenko whispered back.

“Ok...well,” Himiko seemed to have a hard time talking. “I-I like someone, but i'm not really sure what to do..”

Tenko made a slightly irritating sound. “You already told me that! Just tell me who it is!”

Himiko took a deep breath.

“I-I like Kokichi.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Everything became a blur. The sweetness i felt begin to grow tainted by something else. A new emotion presented itself inside me, being sparked by those words._

__**Anger ******_ _

___Anger began to boil up inside me. ____ _

____She was going to try to take my true love away. She was going to corrupt his sweetness. My sweetness. I will not let this witch steal the sugar from my beloved's soul. I'm not going to lose him. I'm not going to lose him. I'm not going to lose this sugar. The pieces of my life and emotion are to precious to me._ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

_________I will do anything ____ _ _ _ _ _ __

__****______ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _

__****______**Anything. ******_ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _


	6. Magic

I began to watch Himiko closely, and the signs became clear. The sparkle in her eyes when she looked at him. The way her voice changed when she spoke to him. The red that would tint her cheeks when he looked at her. It was clear. Well, at least now it was clear when i knew what i was looking for.

How could i have been so stupid?

I should have noticed. It was so obvious it hurt. But it hurt more to talk to her like normal, knowing she was a vermin that was trying to worm her way in between me and Kokichi’s love. I felt nothing but bitterness towards her, and after that night, she became nothing but bitterness to me. I didn't avoid her or anything, that would be too suspicious. If i was going to do something about this bitterness, i cant have any suspicion in my direction whatsoever.

But, i didn't really know what i could do. I could kill her if i wanted to, but i would have to plan an intricate murder, which might take a few days, and in that time, my Kokichi could already be stolen by her. And besides, if i did manage to get away with the murder, my beloved would die, and that is something i can't allow.

So i thought of some non-lethal was to get rid of her. 

I mostly thought of these ideas during long periods of time i spent alone locked in my room. Others kept asking if was ok, but i just made up random excuses every time. Like “Oh, i just wanted to collect my thoughts,” or “I was just practicing a song i wrote, and i just wanted no one to hear me.” and all other kinds of bs.

But all i did those collective hours was sit on the floor against my bed and think. Think , think, think, and think. 

In those collective hours, i surprisingly only came up with a few ideas. I could ruin Himiko’s reputation among others, and maybe other people opinions and actions towards her will make her commit suicide, or make Kokichi dislike her. I also thought to get in her in trouble of some sorts, but i didn't think much on that thought. And lastly, i thought of maybe setting her up with another guy.

I decided to act on the first plan.

The next day, i paid attention to Himiko very carefully. I needed to find the perfect place to act, or it may not work, or sell me out as a the culprit. Most things she did was uneventful, until one moment. As a petite person, i'm able to fit myself in quite small spaces. Some spaces you wouldn't even believe i could fit into. Using this particular skill, I carefully snuck into the wall space in the tiny nook in the corner between two bookshelves. Because of how long the bookcases where, they completely obstructed anyone's view of me from the outside. But i could see perfectly through the tiny cracks between books and the two bookshelves.

I originally hid there to be alone with my thoughts. But then i heard footsteps. Leaving my spot could have put it in jeopardy, so i decided to stay put. Two pairs of legs crossed the room and stopped near my corner i was hiding in.

“Alright Gonta! We are gonna make this the best display of magic the others have seen yet!” I recognized Himiko’s voice.

“Gonta will help Himiko with her magic, like true gentleman!” An excited Gonta responded.

They continued to discuss their trick, and i played very, very close attention. This could be my chance, my only chance for all i know! There trick was going to be the sword being stabbed through a box with a person inside and everyone hopes to god the person inside did get cut kind of trick. It took a minute, but i came up with multiple ways it could go wrong.

Everyone loved Gonta. He was so sweet and kind, especially to me. But how would everyone feel if he got hurt during this trick? I'm sure everyone would look at Himiko a little differently, right? Don't get me wrong, i'm not expecting everyone to hate her the first time i do something to make her screw up, i have realistic expectations. But i do expect a little repercussions. And i'm sure this would do just fine.

After they left, i crawled out of my little hiding spot and began to put my plan into action. 

From overhearing their conversation, all of their supplies for their show was stored in the back closet of the gym, hidden in a small water tank room behind the wall of gym supplies. So i decided to see what i could do with that before continuing with any more fazes of my plan.

I felt sad for not seeing Kokichi this night, but as much as he his important to me, getting rid of this vermin threatening to corrupt my sugar love was my priority tonight.

Instead of going to his room like normal, i instead tossed a dark colored hoodie with beautifully stitched flowers on the back and hood, a gift Angie had made me in return for singing for her while she did her art things, around my shoulders and pulled up the hood. I felt like a thief in the middle of the night. It felt so exciting.

I carefully made my way to the gym and quietly slipped inside its large metal doors, which looked very un-inviting at night. Swiftly, but quietly, i made way way to the back storage closet. Using my digital notebook, which had been supplied by monokuma, as a flashlight, i dug around the supplies until i found a hollow point in the wall. Careful not to make noise, i took out a hammer i had packed in a my gym bag, along with other items i cant bother to describe. Finding the hollow space in the wall again, i knocked on it with the hammer, trying to make as little noise as possible.

After a few minutes and a couple more wacks from the hammer, the door gave way. It was clear it had been previously opened, for there was not dust that settled around me or floated in the doorway, as if it had been cleared away recently. Using the digital notebook, i climbed into the dark space, taking my gym bag with me. 

It didn't take me long to find their things. The room was very small, and all their supplies seemed to be lying on the ground in an un-orderly fashion. Clearly, they didn't think anyone was going to poke around in here.

I did not tamper with anything. Instead, i wrote down the exact supplies they had. Then i left, putting everything back were it was before.

Amazingly, i still had time to see my precious Kokichi! His peaceful breathing and expression when he sleeps helps me organize the ideas and thoughts that felt ready to explode. 

_I whispered to him very, very quietly. “Don't worry Kokichi. I'll make sure she never gets in the way of our love, no matter what it takes. We'll be together forever, and one day, we can get married, and live our lives like this forever. I promise.” ___


	7. Lullaby’s

I continued to overhear more and more details about Hinkio’s magic show. And i eventually learned that she and Gonta planned to perform tomorrow, and they would move all the supplies in the mourning.

I concluded with this information that i had to act tonight, or hold my anger against Himiko forever.

I hung out with Kokichi and his sweetness all day. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible before tonight. But...I think he trusts me more than others He lets me in on secrets, and will even wink at me when he's lying, as if he's letting me in on the fib. It made me feel so special. To be trusted by the host of the sweetness in my life.

He even once talked about his feelings with me, something i never expected him to do, especially by seeing the way he talks to other, and how cocky he can act sometimes. I felt like i was become some sort of safe haven for him.

My love must be growing on him.

His love is certainly growing on me. It gets stronger and stronger everyday, and every night. But don't worry, i haven't done anything to crazy yet. Just the normal stuff.

Near 10:00 a clock, I started to prepare. I had lots of work ahead of me, and I couldn’t fail. But I had confidence, fueled by my beloved and my will to protect him from this temptress. 

At around 1:30, I slipped into my black hoodie I wore the another night, and left my room. Using my hammer once more, I pried open the back door in the gym closet. Now, I was ready.

Opening my gym bag, I first took out a container of super glue. I made sure to grab the kind that drys out very, very slowly. First, I placed the super glue on the inside of the lock to the box the knives were going to be stabbed into. That way, if the box lid is just shut while they were moving stuff, it wouldn’t seal close and ruin the whole idea. Then, I added more glue to the tiny slits in the box where the knives were supposed to go through. And finally, I added some to the tips of the blades, not enough to make it obvious, but enough to create a good stick. Finally, I placed blood packets I stole from the nurses office on the inside of the box, right on top of the slits.

I wanted to do more, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I think I didn’t enough, well, enough to do the job I wanted. Feeling satisfied, I went back to my room.

I spent some time singing in my room quietly, when I hear a soft knock on my door. 

My heart leaped. For a second, I thought it could be my dear Kokichi. That he came to my room carrying his sweetness directly to me.

But I was wrong.

Opening the door, I pretended to be sleepy, as if I just woke up from a deep sleep. At the door way, stood Angie. She looked slightly upset, her hair was a little disheveled, and her cloths seemed a bit tattered. 

I smiled. “Hey Angie, what’s up? Are you alright?”

“I’m sorry it’s so late (Y/N), but...Angie had been having bad dreams and can’t go back to sleep. She wa wondering if you could maybe...sing Angie back to sleep?”

I looked at her with a caring look. “Of course Angie! I would love to! Let’s go back to your room and get you into bed first.”

I quietly led her back to her room and tucked her into bed. After she was all set and comfortable, I sang a small sweet lullaby about love.

When I finished, Angie was already asleep.

_I went back to my room, and for the rest of the night, I fantasized that it had been Kokichi that I had sang to sleep. ___


	8. Trust

The next day, Himiko called as all into the gym. She presented her magic trick with pride. 

I didn’t feel afraid or regret for what I did. I couldn’t feel those things. All I felt was sweetness.

I pretended to act like the others thought. When Himiko locked the box after Gonta had climbed inside it, something inside me grew whole. I knew that something was going to happen, something I was going to enjoy very, very much.

After she placed all the knives inside the box, she started to try to take them out. But when she tried…

_She couldn’t. ___

__The knives were stuck. And no matter how hard she tugged at them, they didn’t unstick. She kept pulling on them, and everyone around the room looked at each other nervously._ _

__Tsumugi called up to Himiko, “Hey, are you ok? I’m not sure if that’s supposed to happen…”_ _

__Kokichi started to laugh a minute later. “Wow Himiko, I thought you were a professional at this thing!”_ _

__I called up to her along with the others, “Do you need help?”_ _

__Himiko frantically pulled on the knives one last time before finally asking for help. No matter how hard anyone pulled, the knives remained stuck in the box. I didn’t think I added that much glue…_ _

__Then, when Himiko tried again on the knife that was stuck in the corner, one of the blood packets I had put in their burst, spraying blood through the hole and into Himiko. She shrieked and stumbled away from the box. Everyone looked from the blood on her shirt to the box, and I guess they put two and two together._ _

__“GONTA.” We all began screaming, and if Gonta had responded, we couldn’t hear I’m over our shouting. I pretended to try the lock, knowing full well what was wrong with it._ _

__“Why won’t it open?!” I half screamed, half cried._ _

__Eventually, Kaito busted open the lock with a baseball bat from the gym closet. We held our breath as we opened the box, and we where all horrified._ _

__The blood packets had all burst onto Gonta, and he was covered in small scratches and cuts. We frantically got him out of the small enclosure, and rushed him to the nurse._ _

__When I came back to check if everyone else was ok, I saw Himiko and Kokichi talking to each other. She was crying, and Kokichi was making crude jokes about Gonta being hurt and how her joke had failed. Eventually, Himiko hugged Kokichi._ _

__

__And he didn’t push her away._ _

__

__I stood there and watched. I felt tears in my eyes. Hot, wet, salty, disgusting tears. I didn’t want to feel them. This bitterness was awful, I hated it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT._ _

__I left the room and headed to my dorm._ _

__

__Kokichi broke my trust._ _

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__**I’ll teach him how to act when i'm not there. ******_ _


	9. Crystal lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I published two chapters today because I felt awful for forgetting. So chapter eight and this chapter are posted today. I’m so so sorry. But I hope you enjoy! :)

That night, I prepared for my lesson. 

I snuck into Kokichi’s room, and began my preparation. First, I tied many rolls of tape around him and around the bed, preventing him from moving. Then I pulled the taser out of my bad and waited in a chair next to his bed. Watching him.

Occasionally, I would ignite the taser, flashing crystal blue light around the room, causing shadows to dance along the walls and the ceiling. I started singing softly while waiting. 

Why did my love have to do this? I wanted to last as long as possible without trouble like this. Haven’t I done everything to keep him from doing this? But I know that every relationship has it up and downs, and this was just the first out of many. But still, I had to discipline when the time comes, or this behavior might become repetitive.

A few seconds later, Kokichi began to wake up. He moaned slightly before trying to sit up. But when he must of relized he couldn’t, his eyes grew wide and anxiety started to cloud in his eyes and movements as he frantically looked around the room. At just the right moment, I again lite up the taser, illuminating my face with the bright blue light once more.

He eyes followed the light, and he stared directly at me, his face showing confusion and a slight hint of fear in his violet eyes. But his expression quickly changed into a look of smug and confidence. It almost looked as if he knew everything. 

“Well (Y/N), you surely surprised me! Tying down a student to a bed? I honestly can’t say I expected it from you! What are you gonna do? Torture me into going along with a murder scheme? Or just kill me like this?”

His confidence made me laugh. I loved him so much. I loved his cockiness, the way he lied, his jokes, I loved every single thing about him.

“Oh, don’t worry Kokichi, I would never in my life plan to hurt you, ever!”

I got up from my chair and layed next to him, my face just inches away from his. He looked slightly confused, but still continued to look smug. 

“Then why do you have me like this?” He started to laugh before continuing, “Are you planning to make out with me or something?”

I laughed as well. Sometimes, I really just want to kiss him. His lips looked so soft up close. His skin looked so smooth. He was perfect.

“As much as I would like to do that, I actually have you tied down for something else. You see Kokichi, you disappointed me yesterday.”

Kokichi’s face lost some of its confidence and slyness. His face showed hints of anxiousness for a slip second before it returned to normal. 

“Disappointed? Why? Did I lie to you yesterday? I must have forgotten.” He laughed again.

I smiled at him. I climbed on top of him in the bed, and he looked up at me. This time, I could clearly see the confusion behind his eyes. 

“I’m not giving you up to anyone Kokichi,” My voice entered a dangerous pitch, and I could see Kokichi starting to get nervous, and I could feel him slightly twitching underneath me.

“Do you understand, ANYONE.” I half shouted, half whispered. I didn’t want anyone to hear us. 

“Your MINE, do you understand? MINE!” I then proceeded to list all the names of every girl remaining in the killing game.

“They will all hurt you! They will treat you like dirt. they are sluts, sluts, SLUTS.” Every time I said slut, I would illuminated the taser, and every time I did, I felt Kokichi shake harder. 

The room went silent. At this point, Kokichi had lost all his confidence, realizing what kind of situation he was in right now.

“Do you like her?” I finally asked.

“W-what?” Kokichi’s voice slightly cracked. 

“Do you like Himiko?” I asked again. He didn’t respond. Instead he just turned his head away from me. That wasn’t an answer to me.

“How much do you like her?” I asked this time. He still didn’t respond. I was starting to get annoyed.

“I asked you a question Kokichi.” My voice was still dangerously low. He sill only looked away from me.

“I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION.” I shouted as loud as I could. This time, I flashed the taser to signify I wasn’t messing around with him. He finally seemed to take the hint.

“Please don’t…(Y/N)” he said, his eyes looking up at me with defeat.

“You know Kokichi, I’ll let you go if you give me an answer.” He looked at me as if he didn’t trust me. “I promise.” I added, smiling down at him.

“I-I don’t like her.” He said finally, and I could tell by his eyes he wasn’t lying. In fact, I think I even saw tears in his eyes. I flashed the taser and brought it down in his chest while covering his mouth. He screamed into my hand, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Then, he was out like a light.

I removed all the tape from the bed, and hid the taser away where no one would find it. 

I slept in his room that night, and I hugged him tightly as I fell asleep.

 

I loved him so much.


	10. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This almost has 200 views, oh my god. Thank you guys so much! I love all of you!

In the mourning, I awoke to pounding on my door and the sound of Kokichi yelling.

“Let me in (Y/N)! I wanna talk to youuuuuu.” He wined from across the door. I groaned out of bed and opened it, and he immediately mobbed me.

“Where you in my room last night?! Was that real?! Did I dream that?! But it felt to real! Tell me (NickName)!”

Even though I had sorta given myself away last night, he still thought it was a dream? 

“What are you talking about Kokichi?” I asked, pretending to sound concerned.

“Last night! Are you lying to me? But it felt so real!”

“Kokichi, calm down, everything’s fine! Why don’t you sit down, ok?”

He sat down on my bed, and I plopped myself down next to him. 

“Alright,” I gentility laid his head on my lap, which he slightly flinched at. “Mama (Y/N) is here to help!” I smiled down at him.

He laughed. He explained the while night in detail, how he was taped to the bed, he described me with the taser, he repeated things I said, and how I tased him at the end. When he was done with his story, I pretended to cry fake tears. He only realized when one of my tears fell onto his cheek.

“(Y/N), are you crying?” He asked in a half laughing, half serious manner. I pretended to wipe tears away from my face, and I gently played with his hair. 

“Kokichi, that sounds horrible. What I said about them, please don’t think I mean those things! They are my friends! And...please don’t think I would ever hurt you, I care about you so much!”

Kokichi looked serious for a split second, an emotion that made his violet eyes look different, before he displayed a cocky smile.

“Awwwww (NickName) cares about me!”

I smiled down at him while I wiped away the “tears” that were left in my eyes. 

“I really do Kokichi. I care about you a lot.”

We spent the rest of the day fucking with people's stuff. 

I don’t know if the route I decided to take was the smart one. My lesson might have been dismissed by my crying, or him simply believing it was yet again another crazy dream. But I could tell it got to him. He seemed a lot more cautious around the other girls, and every time he talked to one, he would slightly glance over at me with a sum-what nervous look. But all I would do was smile at him and whisper, “it was just a dream!”

He started to sleep with me in my room. Well, I sorta convinced him to. I kept saying that maybe his room was haunted by a ghost that was making him have bad dreams. But when that didn’t convince him, I started to cry about how he must be having the “dreams” because I was being a horrible friend. And that won him over.

He slept on the floor, and I slept on my bed.

When I started to hear Kokichi quietly snore, I rolled over and looked down at him. With the peace and quiet, I was able to think. 

It was too early to reveal the truth to him. I have to at least spread some time across from each event. 

But oh how much I wanted to tell him! I wanted to scream to him that I loved him! I wanted to wake him up right now and tell him how he was my world, my life, my everything!

But I convinced myself not to. 

I told myself that I had to find the right time. I had to ensure that when I told him, I knew he would say yes. But that required more time and effort. But I was willing to play the long game in order to keep myself innocent in his mind. I had to make him fall in love with the good side of me, before he can meet the crazy side of me.

Crazy side of me? Did I describe myself that way?

Was I really crazy? 

**No, I don’t think I am. I’m just a little over protective, that’s all. I mean, that’s how love is, right? ******


	11. Pleasant

I started to keep small journal entries about Kokichi everyday. I would right about him in my digital notebook every 20 minutes, on the spot. At the end of the day, i would always have at least 72 journal writings or more, each one about Kokichi. The topics in them covered things like what he did, his behavior at that time, his looks, or describing the sweetness i felt around him.

I also noticed Himiko spending more time around Kokichi. Kokichi’s attitude towards her changed though since her first magic show fail with Gonta. He would make jokes about how she must be cursed and how she must have been planning to kill Gonta.

I would tell her that it wasn't her fault, and that she shouldn't feel bad about it. But i also never told her that Kokichi didn't mean what he says. I wanted her to believe he meant it, which wasn't very hard. I could tell every time he told her one of his jokes of that natural, i could see it in her eyes that she took it to heart.

See? I didn't have to kill anyone in order to keep Kokichis love to myself. And i really did want to act on this dream scenario he thinks this is.

That night, i snuck into his room again, and crawled on top of him. At first he didn't wake up, but then i whispered his name softly.

He at first stirred, then he rolled his head and looked up at me.

“Is this another dream? Are you that freaky dream-(Y/N)?” He smiled confidently at me.

“Do you want this to be a dream? Or do you want it to be reality?” i gentilly scooted back along his body to rest my head on his chest while he propped himself up on a pillow.

“I'm not sure i want you tying me to a bed and shocking me to be reality.” Kokichi then looked around me at the bed. Then, he looked back up at me, still with confidence, but now wearing a smug smile. “No tape this time? I sorta enjoyed that last time? And no taser?”

I laughed and stroked the side of his face, and surprisingly, he didn't pull away.

“Why am i having dreams like this dream - (NickName)?” He finally asked while he started to play with my hair.

“Maybe because you want this to be real?” I smugly said back, making him laugh. 

“Glad to see dream-(Nickname) has a sense of humor!”

“I'll have anything you want. This is your dream, remember?” I said back, my voice growing softer.

“Anything?” He asked. And a lifted my head up a little.

“Anything.” i confirmed. I wasn't lying. If my love wanted anything, i would give him what he wanted, even if it meant risking my life. Anything to make him happy.

“Can you get me a grape fanta from the kitchen? It's late and your on top of me.” He responded.

I sighed and got of him. I returned with the fanta and gave it to him, whilst crawling back on him. 

“Thank you dream-(Nickname)!” He said and immediately proceeded to chug most of the container. I watched him, greatly amused.

“So,” Kokichi said when he was done, tossing the now empty fanta container across the room. “When does this dream end?”

“It ends when you go to sleep. Do you want this to end? Do you prefer the real (Y/N)?” I said, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head sideways on his chest.

“Awwww, poor dream-(Nickname)! I never said i wanted it to end, i just asked!” Kokichi wined.

“But do you?” I asked again.

“Do i what?” He placed his chin on top of my head.

“Do you prefer the real (Y/N)?”

He didn't respond at first. “I don't really know. Sometimes i wish i could do these things with the real (Y/N), but sometimes i don't, such as the taser thing.” He joked. “But i do like these moments.” He finished. 

He yawned. “Im sorry dream-(Nickname), but i'm getting sleepy! See you next dream! Thank you for not shocking me to sleep this time!” He joked again while closing his eyes.

“Good night Kokichi, i'll be in your dreams whenever you want me too.”

The next morning, Kokichi didn't tell me about his “dream”. 

Instead, he just told me that nothing important had happened. 

 

In fact, he said he had just had a pleasant dream.


	12. time

I continued to grow angry with every interaction Kokichi had with anyone. It didn't matter if it was a male or female he talked to. I wanted to be the only thing he talked to. The only thing his attention was on.

The. 

Only. 

One.

But i held my tongue. Despite my growing irritation, i still pretended everything was normal. Until a few days later, when the jar inside me slightly cracked.

That night, i stood above him while he slept. I had locked the door behind me, and had stolen a knife from the kitchen, and was now standing above Kokichi. I didn't plan to stab him, i just took comfort in having something sharp with me. I also was armed with my taser if i needed to leave an injury that left no mark.

Kokichi woke up a few minutes later. His eyes fluttered open and he slightly turned his head to look up at me.

“Dream - (Y/N)?” He asked. He slightly sat up. “What are you doing? Aren't you going to climb on top of me or something?” He gave me smug smile.

“No.” i responded, my voice monotone. His confidence seemed to falter. He noticed the taser and knife in my hands.

“Are you gonna kill me? You know this is a dream right?” He laughed. “Or are you into that hurting for pleasure shit?”

“Why do you cheat on me?” I responded, and he stopped. He looked confused.

“Cheat on you? What are you talking about?”

“I live in your mind Kokichi. Do you think i don't see how the other girls fall for your tricks? I know they all are just dying to get your attention, and you give them that.” I kneeled down next to the bed, my face centimeters away from his. “Do you not love me enough? Am i not good enough?”

He looked at me for a few seconds before looking cocky again. “Do you think we are in a relationship?” He asked, laughing slightly.

“You didn't have a choice.” I said back, and he stopped laughing immediately.

I continued. “Do you like any of them? Do you like any of the girls? The guys?”

He gave me a weird look. “I don't care about that. Are you saying that you are forcing me into this relationship?”

I didn't acknowledge his question, instead i lit the tazer. “Answer me!” I said as loud as i could.

“I don't like any of them!” He responded, inching ever so slightly away from me.

“Do you like me?” I whispered, touching the side of his face with my hand. He was silent.

“I'm not in love with you, dream-(Y/N). But i like the real (Y/N).”

My heart leaped in my chest. The sweetness grew to an overwhelming amount. My beloved loved me. He said he loved me. But...this was all a dream to him. I had to get him to tell me, to tell me out of what he thinks is a dream world.

“Then tell her.” I whispered. Then, I covered his face with a pillow, took out the taser and taser him in his chest. He was out in an instant.

I went to sleep that night crying tears of joy. My beloved loved me, and i loved him. And now, we could be a happy couple. We would get married, have as many children as we wanted, and we would spend every second of our lives together. And when we died, we would die holding hands.

The next morning, he asked to talk to me alone. He wanted to meet me on the roof. I felt so happy. Was this it? Was this the day, the moment when we would love eachother forever and ever? When the time came, he looked nervous.

“(Y/N) i-i,” He started. I waited, ready for what was to come.

 

 

“I think we need to spent some time apart.”


	13. Locked

“W-what?” My voice cracked. Time apart? What did he mean by that? No….No...No! This is going all wrong! He was supposed to tell me he loved me, not that he did want to be around me!

“It's not that i don't want to be your friend! Its just that….these dreams i keep having seem to be getting worse.” Kokichi looked at the ground, as if he was refusing to look me in the eyes.

“B-but, what do i have to do with the dreams?” I felt tears in the corner of my eyes. The sweetness was fading. Bitterness was taking its form, stabbing at my sweet-filled heart with salty blades. The glass jar inside me continued to crack, the tiny fragments of my life scattering. I couldn't lose him, he was everything i had, everything i was! Without him i would be….

Hollow. Like i was before. Stuck to pretending to be happy. Pretending to laugh. Pretending to be sad.

Pretending to care.

“It's not you, i swear (Y/N). I just...I don't know if these dreams are fueled by you, so i just want some time apart to see if the dreams stop or not...im sorry (Y/N).” Kokichi turned to leave.

I couldn't do it, but i had to pretend to be happy, just for him.

“I-its alright K-Kokichi,” I hugged him from behind, desperately trying to sound as happy as i could. “I-if that's what you want, then t-that’s o-ok! Ill s-support you no matter w-what, ok?”

He didn't respond. He just waited for me to let him go. Then he left. Leaving me all alone on the school roof.

To be honest, if the roof didn't have a dome on it, i would have jumped off right then and there. The sweetness from by body deteriorated by the second, and after 30 minutes of still standing on the roof, i felt hollow once more.

Everything i had worked for, everything i did, had gone to waste. I desperately tried to laugh, tried to smile like i could just minutes ago, but i couldn't.

I felt nothing.

But i could feel an aftertaste of bitterness. 

The bitterness was what made me stay on that roof for hours after that, crying and looking up at the visible stars through the clear dome above. The tears didn't feel real. The tears were not followed by sadness or grief. They were just there. 

I stayed there till mourning.

“Oh, guys she's up here!” I heard Kaito shout behind me. They must have been looking for me. 

“Hey, (Y/N), what are you doing up here? You weren't even there for dinner last night. Are you alright?” Kaito squatted down next to me, and his eyes widen when he saw the state i was in. My hair must have been a bit of a mess, my eyes bloodshot from crying, and i must have looked pale from sleep deprivation.

“Holy hell (Y/N), you look like a ghost! Have you been here all night?!”

More people came to the roof after hearing Kaito shout.

“Oh my, (Y/N), what happened!” Angie came up to use, followed by the rest of the class. The only person who wasn't there was Kokichi. Of course he wasn't.

I pretended again, and wiped the remaining tears from my eyes. 

“N-nothings wrong guys! You don't have to worry about me! I just went to the roof to look at the stars and feel asleep here.” Some looked convinced with my answer, but others not so much.

“Then why are you crying?” Maki asked, clearly not convinced.

“I was thinking about this game... a-and..if i was going to live..” I added in fake tears for good measure.

“Oh, (Y/N)!” Angie cried, and sat down on the other side of me and hugged me. “It's gonna be ok! Angie and everyone else will make sure nothing happens! We are all going to make it!”

I pretended to feel comforted by her words.

“Thank you Angie.”

“Now, what are we waiting here for, i'm starving!” Kaito jumped up and left the roof, the others following, until only Maki and i were left.

“I don't believe you were crying over that.” Maki finally said to me, after 20 seconds of awkward silence.

“Oh, don't worry Maki, i was, but don't worry, i-”

“I think you were crying over something else.” She cut me off. “You looked like you were lying when you told us that.”

“Maki, i really wasn't.”

She looked suspiciously at me at first, then sighed. 

“Ok, i'll believe you. But if something really is going on, then you can talk to me. You can talk to any of us. Where all here for you.”

I pretended to smile back. “Thank you Maki.”

The rest of the day, i was hallow. The others seemed to notice. They wouldn't let me go anywhere alone, and they tried to make me “happy” all day.

But i wasn't happy without Kokichi.

Whenever i would so much as look at him, he would walk away, or bother someone else.

It made me feel bitter. It made me cry pointless tears.

I locked myself in my room after that. And no matter how much the others begged and pleaded or threatened, i never unlocked the door.


	14. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been on a school trip in D.C., so I’m so sorry I haven’t been posting! But here it is! I posted this on the airplane.

I’m still in my room.

My emotions haven’t changed.

Without Kokichi, without that sweetness he brings into my life, I’m nothing. Nothing seemed to matter to me. Life didn’t have a meaning anymore. I lived and breathed for him. And whiteout him, I was nothing at all.

I heard a knock on the door. I didn’t move an inch from my position under the covers of my bed.

“(Y/N), it’s Kiibo. I..I brought you food.”

I didn’t move. Even something as simple as eating became worthless to me unless Kokichi was with me.

“Please, (Y/N) you can’t stay in there, it’s not good for the human body. We’re here for you. Please….”

I remained silent.

I heard Kiibo sigh through the door. “I’ll just leave it outside the door, and you can come out and get it.”

I heard silverware clatter against china, and footsteps move away from my door and down the hall.

I then heard voices again, and my name was heard in the conversation. I hugged the pillow that I was pretending was Kokichi closer to my chest. A rapping knock rang throughout the room and slightly stung my ears.

“(Y/N) you can’t stay in there forever,” It’s was Maki, and she didn’t sound pleased. “You have 30 seconds to open this door right now.”

Then, she started counting. I didn’t move still. Monokuma said very clearly that breaking down the doors of the dorms was against the rules. So what could they possibly do to get in?....

“27…...28…..29…...30.” Maki finalized. She seemed to pause for a few seconds before saying. “Fine, (y/n)”.

There was silence for a few seconds before a clicking sound came from the lock on my door. Right after the click, the door swung open with force. In the doorway were Maki, Kaito, Kiibo, and...Kokichi. He was holding a bobby pin, which he must have picked the lock to my dorm with. His face looked...concerned. Especially when they saw me, and how I looked. 

But I felt no sweetness when he looked at me. In fact, I felt bitter.

“Jesus Christ, (y/n)!” Kaito rushed to the bedside.

Maki was alongside him, and so was Kiibo. But Kokichi stayed behind.

“(y/n), you look like your sick! Do we need to get medical help?” Kiibo said, looking to Maki for approval.

“Kiibo, go get a medical kit from the nurses office. Kaito, go get some food from the kitchen. Soft food please.”

Both left quickly. Kiibo walking quickly and Kaito literally running as fast as he could out of the room and down the hall.

Maki tried to get me to sit up, but I didn’t move.

“(y/n), I can’t help you if you don’t cooperate.” She sighed. I still didn’t say anything. She had to physically pick me up and lay me above my bed covers and leaning against the headboard. She then noticed the purple haired boy was still there.

“Kokichi, you can leave now.” She said through slightly gritted teeth.

Despite how much she implied she really wanted him to leave, he smirked back at her.

“Are you kidding? This is an interesting part of the game! Think I would want to miss out on the fun?”

Maki glared at him.

At that moment, Kaito busted into the room, painting like a mad dog. He was carrying a bowl of soup that he amazingly didn’t spill to much of. Maki had to spoon feed it to me. Kiibo came back to, and Maki gave me medication and stuff like that.

“Can I talk to her alone?” Kokichi suddenly asked, and the others looked at him, confused.

“What? Why would you-“ Kaito was quickly cut off the purple liar.

“I just want to talk to her. Right now. Alone.”

The others gave each other weary glances, but reluctantly got up and left. Maki stopped by Kokichi. 

“Try to hurt her in anyway, and I’ll slit your throat.”

Kokichi laughed. “Alright ultimate assassin!”

The door closed, and Kokichi say at a chair besides me next to the bed. 

I wanted to say something, anything really, but I couldn’t. All I could do was stare into his eyes. They didn’t release the sweetness they once had. 

All I felt was emptiness. 

“I’m sorry (y/n). It only makes me feel worse when we’re apart….I….I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

“I-it’s not your fault. I-it’s m-my fault.” I stuttered.

“No, it isn’t! I shouldn’t have done that, I made you feel like an awful friend...but it was clever that you lied.”

“Lied? How?”

Kokichi laughed. “You told the others that you were on the roof crying about this whole killing game…but I know you were crying about what I said…”

I started to cry again. But the tears didn't feel real.

“I’m s-sorry.” I said. 

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t blame you for stupid dreams. I’m so sorry.” He then hugged me, the last thing I would expect from the ultimate supreme leader. I hugged back, and the sweetness slowly returned. It felt intoxicating.

“I’m sorry (y/n)....” He pulled away and looked deep into my eyes.

“(NickName) I-i….I...its really hard to say this...um...i-i….”


	15. Rejections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry. I’ve been having really bad writers block. But I’ve finally got it done. Thank you so much for being patient and I promise to be 100% faster on updates. Thank you for reading!

My eyes teared up. This was happening. It really was happening.

He paused slightly, looking down before displaying a slightly angry expression.

“Forget it, you don’t deserve love.”

I could only stare after him as he left, my mouth wide open and my eyes even wider. He slammed the door behind him, but a few seconds later it was reopened by Kaito and Maki.

“Wow, he looked upset. Y’all argue in here or something?” Kaito asked.

I couldn’t respond. My throat felt like someone was holding it in their fiat and squeezing. The bitterness was awful. It tasted like rotten meat. It felt like thousands of bugs crawling all over every inch of my skin.

I despised the bitterness.

But for some reason, I couldn’t pretend. I couldn’t pretend to be ok. Why was this happening? I had done it for so long, I should be a master at this, right? But I couldn’t stop myself from bursting into tears.

Kaito immediately wrapped me in his arms like a baby is swaddled in a blanket. I cried into his shoulder, drenching his purple overcoat. Maki was rubbing my back and whispering gentle “Shhh’s” and “it’s ok.” To me, but I didn’t feel ok.

After a few minutes, my bitter sobbing died down into bittersweet sniffles. 

“You don’t have to tell us what happened if you don’t want to.” Maki reassured me softly.

“H-he at first s-said sorry, a-and then seemed l-like he was going to s-say something. B-but then he stopped a-and s-said-.” I couldn’t finish without starting to cry again. Kaito rubbed the back of my head to calm me down again. The action reminded me of Kokichi, and i was once again filled with bitterness, which turned my crying into bawing.

“What did he say?” His voice was ruff, and slightly angry.

“H-h-he said that i-i- didn't deserve l-love for some r-reason….I-i-i dont u-understand w-w-why! T-then, h-he just l-l-left!”

Kaito’s grip around me tightened. Maki immediately took notice.

“Kaito, calm-”

“No.” His voice was low and livid. “That little shit had done enough. He lies about every fucking thing, and now has insulted (y/n). Im fucking done with him, im….” He couldn't finish.

I pretended to be concerned with the situation.

“Kaito, its o-ok. I'm sure he-”

“No, it's not ok!” He shouted. Maki immediately scolded him about being to loud.

His voice changed into a softer volume, but he still sounded angry.

“(y/n), don't believe a word that little brat says. You deserve nothing but love. You make everyone happy, and don't ever doubt that. You mean so much to me, to everyone. Please don't take what he said seriously.”

I smiled. “T-thank you Kaito.” I hugged him tightly. “I care about you too.”

“Do you two need some time alone?” Maki jokes. Though she looked like she had some irritation behind her neutral red eyes.

 

Kaito seemed to make it his mission to make sure i was never alone. He also did his very best to cheer me up all day. I would be lieing. If i said it didnt make me feel better.

Its funny. Kaito didnt generate the sweetness that Kokichi does, but he didnt make me feel bitterness.

Instead, i felt contempt, which was the closetest thing i would get to pure happiness at this time.

I also noticed Kokichi looking slightly angry whenever he was in the same room with me and Kaito, and a few hours later, I figured out why.

I was in the art room, singing and painting flowers with Angie. Miu was with us, tinkering and fixing a few malfunctions Kiibo ha been having for the past few hours. I wasent intrested enough to ask what the problem was.

As i finsihed singing, we all made conversation.

“That song was so pretty! But ive never heard it before, who is it by?”

“Oh,” I smiled slightly, adding purple shadows to the red painted rose with careful dabs of the paint brush.

“I made it myself, i've been working on it for awhile, along with other songs.”

“Wow, really! Angie is so impressed!”

“Really?” Miu piped up, screwing a bolt in Kiibo’s arm back into its respected place. “She's the ultimate singer! Of course shes good at making songs!”

“Um, Miu, don't be rude.” Kiibo commented quietly.

“Anyway,” Miu ignored him.”What's up with you and Kaito? Yall getting it on?”

I pretended to be embarrassed. “W-what!?” No! Were not a thing! He's just been trying to cheer me up!”

“Well, Kokichi sure doesn't get that!” Miu laughed hysterically. I was actually curious.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, slightly laughing myself.

“Are you fucking serious? How blind are you? He looks at Kaito with such fucking hate!” She emphasised the word “hate” with jokingly gritted teeth.

I laughed along with her. “Hate? Why would he look at him with hate?” 

Miu pursed her lips in a kissy expression and spoke with a baby voice. “I think he just jealous that the girl he fancies is hanging out with another guy!”

“Girl he fancies? Are you sure Miu?” I joked. “Im pretty sure he has a heart of stone!”

“Ha!” She spat loudly. “When it comes to you, his heart gets soft like a sluts boobs!”

Angie butt in. “are they soft?”

“Sluts boobs? Definitely.” Miu conformed.

“Oh, im sure he dosent. He probably just has some beef with Kaito.” I shrugged it off.

“Yeah, I dont think so sweety!” She leaned down over Kiibos shoulder, her face really close to his. “What do you think Key-Boy?”

“Hey, dont do that!” He said, swatting her away softly. “I dont really know. I mean, Kokichi never talks about his feelings, so you never know.”

“Thats true.” Angie said.

The rest of the time we spent togeather was just us making jokes and laughing.

When the sun started to fall, everyone gathered for the last meal of the day. I never really understood the idea of eating with others, but it was nice. I usually would sit next to Kokichi at this hour, but as i walked into the lunch hall, Kaito immediately guided me to a chair next to him and in the middle of everyone else.

It wasn't sweet, but it wasn't awful.

That night, I craved to go to Kokichi again. But I scolded myself. How could I be so weak? I couldn’t crawl back to him. I couldn’t show that I was willing to do anything to get him back to me. I couldn’t be the weak one in out relationship.

 

**I had to get him to crawl back to me. And trust me, I am. No mater what it takes ******


End file.
